Excused vs. Unexcused, Really?

When it was decided that Christine was staying home from school today, I called the attendance line to let them know.

I said into the recording who I was, who she was, the date, and the reason:  our family dog died last night and today was a rough day.

All of a sudden she was beside her self, new emotion mixing with the already heavy heart.  She was mad, yelling at me, upset that I didn't say she was sick or had an appointment.  Apparently, those are the ONLY TWO reasons for an EXCUSED absence.  I looked at her, and told her neither of those were the truth and I wouldn't lie.  I did call the front office to talk to a live person who listened and was very understanding and connected me to a live person in the attendance office.

She was a nice gal who totally understood.  I asked her just what exactly constitues and excused absence.  Here's what she told me:

1. Being physically sick.
2. Having an appointment:  doctor, dentist, etc.
3. Committing a crime and meeting with your lawyer or appearing in court.

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?????!!!!!

I about lost it when I heard that.  I asked her if she didn't just find that a bit ironic.  It's okay to fudge, lie, make-up a reason, like being sick when you aren't, or having an appointment when you don't, to be awarded an excused absence allowing time to make-up your assignments, tests, quizzes, etc.  BUT if you have broken the law and need to meet and plan your court strategy it's an automatic excused absence. 

Isn't the lieing/fudging/ 'loop-hole finding', the beginning steps of setting the wrong example for your child on the path to breaking the law???  Doesn't it say:  it's okay to bend the rules or fabricate a reason--even if it's not honest--to justify the outcome, what you want.  In this case, having an excused absence.  Here.  Let me show you how to do it.  Look at me, your parent.  If I can do this, so can you.  And it's okay!  Eventually it will lead to other areas of our life, some that might lead to breaking the laws of the land and sometimes it could lead to breaking other 'laws'.  Where is integrity?!

She agreed completely, but said her hands were tied by the government.  And I would add, all those who go along with it.

I really had to digest this one.

Life Goes On

Today we grieved.
Christine went to Seminary and then came home.  She just couldn't go to school. 
Thank you to everyone who has called, commented, facebooked, texted, sent cards.  It almost sounds funny typing all of that--she was a dog after all--but Darla was a trend setter and loved by more than just our family.

When we got her, the trend in our neighborhood and ward was big dogs.  Especially Golden Retrievers.  She started the trend for the little house/lap dog.  More people were so impressed with her that it influenced their decision in choosing a dog.  Thank you for letting us know that through your conversations with us today!

Shaun took Christine with him to swim and lay out at Nathan's next door.  Nathan gets married a week from today.  He and Shaun have been best friends since they were 7 and 8 years old.  They are trying to do as much together now before the big day arrives!  Chris and Shaun both got a pretty good case of sunburn.  Dang it.  It was her first time out in the sun this season and she didn't sunscreen.  She usually tans pretty well, but I'm afraid this one will peel.

Duff and I had our appointments with our new doctor under our new insurance plan.  Not crazy about the set up, but it's just different than I'm used to.  The Dr. was very nice and I liked him.  He took us both in at the same time.  That was a first!  And I liked it.  Still not sure yet if I will switch over my gynocologist. 

We were both due for a tetanus shot.  It's not just a tetanus shot anymore.  It also includes pertussis since whooping cough is making a come back.  (Please people--immunize your children!) I can't remember the last time I had a shot.  I have to admit, I was feeling like a wimp.  The nurse came in and I was preparing for the initial stick when she told me it was all done.  What?  I didn't even feel anything.  Wow.  She is a good shot giver!  So I watched her give Duff his shot.  He didn't feel it either.  She softly pinches up the skin and muscle and then sticks it.  Whatever works!  And this did.  But my arm is killing me tonight.  Big time.  I can hardly move it!

Adrianne has been an angel this week.  Quietly filling in and taking over during the Darla crisis.  Tonight she made lasagne and it hit the spot for all of us.  She's made sure we are all doing ok.  Then we watched 20/20.  They did a show on Stephanie Nielson and the plane crash she and her husband were in.  They did a good job covering it.  I kind of wished they would have talked about their faith more, but I guess people will learn about it as they familiarize themselves more intimately with their story.

Christine cried herself to sleep again tonight.  On the couch.  I didn't have the heart to wake her up.  I just made sure I covered her up good and kissed her moist, salty cheeks.

Everyday will get a little bit better.

Our Sweet Darla Has Passed

Our sweet Darla passed on today.

She had 3 seizures yesterday.  The goal was to get her electolytes balanced.  Dr.Seat accomplished that, but she had 5 seizures this morning and multiple organ failure.  I got the call from him aroung 11:30.  It is time. 

We were going to go down at 5pm, so everyone could be there after work.  But when Norm told Duff he couldn't get the seizures to stop and she was scared after each one, we decided to do it earlier so she wouldn't have to suffer.

Duff got Christine right after school and the kids left work early and we all met at Antonio Animal Hospital.  Last night even though she couldn't sit up, she was still happy to see us and kissed us and comforted us.  Ironic, how that works.  She was so loyal all the way to the end of her life.

But today, she had to be heavily drugged and couldn't even lift her head up.  It about broke all of our hearts.  It was a blessing.  None of us would have wanted our last memory of her to be seizing on the table.

We each said our good-byes.

LOTS of tears and kisses and loves.  Her eyes told us she understood and she wanted to respond but just couldn't.

I held her.  Wasn't going to let her leave us without that contact.  Everyone was petting her and telling her we loved her and thanking her for all she had given us.  She was more often than not, the brightest thing during some very dark days.

It didn't take long.  She was so very sick.  Christine sat next to me stroking her head.  I had my hand on her rib cage and felt her little heart slowly stop.  When Norm pronounced her, we looked up and even he was crying.  He told us that she was one of his favorites and was so sorry he couldn't save her.  That she was such a uniquely sweet dog.

I looked around.  Even my adult kids were sobbing.  Josh in a corner with his hands on his face, weeping.  Adrianne comforting Mike.

I have to say this:  even the death of a pet brings with it a beautiful spirituality.  Being there felt like a nearness to heaven.  That God lives and loves His children and His creations. That He was aware of her.  That she had filled the measure of her creation and went 'home' to Him.

We are all grateful for His wisdom.  How did He know we would need pets?  No matter what kind.  Dogs, cats, birds, fish, hamsters???

They teach us so much.

Good-Bye, Sweet Darla.

We LOVE you!

(Everyone came over to the house afterwards and we had dinner together and reminisced about Darla.  I put a comfort meal in the crockpot around 1pm, knowing we would all need to eat and probably wouldn't feel like cooking.  I made Captain's Chicken and we had it with buttered, parslied noodles.  Duff told me later that he was glad I had thought to do that, otherwise it probably would have been fast food or take-out and that wouldn't have ended in the same experience we had.)

Early Morning Beauty

 Duff was subbing for seminary this morning.  The early class at 5:25 am.

I got Chris up, but she was having trouble this morning.  Too tired and too many emotions going on.

She missed the carpool, so I drove her over.

It was really foggy outside, but as soon as I got to the top of our street it was out of the fog.  If she wasn't already tardy, I would have pulled over and taken a picture then.  It was much prettier and the fog was thickly hanging over the golf course and the homes.  I took these about 15 minutes later on my way home.

Our house is down in the fog bank still.

It was so beautiful.  I had a moment of gratitude to God for the gift of this earth.  That brief, silent, in-my-head-only, thought led me to remembering that He notices even when a sparrow falls.  I know heaven is waiting for Darla and He is mindful of our sadness.  It made me feel at peace and comforted.

Darla Update for 5-11-11

She had 3 more seizures today.  The Dr. had to bring her out of two of them with valium.  They are getting shorter and not as violent as the first one.  More tests revealed her kidney levels are holding.  If the kidneys hold and everything else can stop being turbulent, she has a chance.  Her electrolytes are waaaaay out of whack.  They began pushing potassium because it was at zero.  By the time we left our visit today, they were pretty much back in the normal range.  He thinks this is why she has been seizing.

That being said, she looks worse.  You can tell. She is tired. And notice how grayish her face has become in the last week.  Her right eye is droopy.  A lot of this can be attributed to the valium, but.....  She kissed us, but it took her strength.  I think we have everyone on board now for the eventuality.

 

 She was happy to see us.  They put her in my arms first.  She immediately reached up and licked my chin.

Mustering a smile.  She has always smiled.  Some people don't believe dogs smile, but if anyone has seen Darla, that puts any doubt to rest.  When she's really happy, she even shows her teeth she smiles so hard.

 Looking at Dad.

 Kisses from Christine.  She was 3 when we got Darla.  The puppy of her life.

She came home from YW tonight and went to call out:  "Puppy!" and she wasn't there.  Whenever anyone comes home that is the first thing we all do.  Call out 'Puppy!' or 'Darla!' and she gives us the biggest welcome home!  The last few days have been too quiet.

 Love's Tears.  No words necessary.

She left her jacket for Darla tonight.

Her personal tech, Ryan.

He is very good to her.  And to us.

He told us he has been impressed by our devotion to her.  He says it explains why she is such a fighter.  He tells us everyday how hard she fights to get better.  The Pack Mentality.  And we are her pack.  Tonight when we were leaving, he told us now he gets to 'deal' with her.  We looked at him???  "Oh, she gets really pissed after you leave.  Really pissed." (sorry for the potty word).  "Now I know why.  There is a lot of love in this pack."

George Banks and The Schmaltz Family

That's Us.

We went to see Darla this afternoon.  They said it's good for her.  Good emotional medicine.  I can't say if it was good for us or not.  All we did was cry and laugh and cry some more.  Yeah.  It was good for us.  We needed to be with her.  Early on, Duff looked around and said, "What the heck is wrong with us?  Look at us!  You'd think we were the Schmaltz Family!"  And we started cracking up with tears running down our cheeks because it reminded us of George Banks in Father of The Bride 2.

I thought it was interesting that they put us in a room instead of taking us back.  Then a nurse came in and brought more chairs.  Then she came back and offered us all water and told us Dr. Seat would be coming in to talk to us first. 

"Red Flag/Orange Cone.'

She did great yesterday and today.  Until 2pm when she had a big seizure.  She was fine and all of a sudden started seizing.  It lasted about 30-40 seconds, but he said it felt like an hour.  Then as quick as it started, she sat up and looked around as if to ask what happened.  But it wiped her out.

 I've been on the go all day.  Kinda glad I didn't get any makeup on.  It would have been all cried off anyway.

 Norm did another blood work up after the seizure.  It was disappointing.  After 2 days, the levels are all still the same.  Bad.  In addition, he told us that:

• She has an enlarged heart.  Her valve isn't closing properly and blood is going back in.
• Her kidneys are bad.
• Her blood pressure is 250/150.  It should be 120/80.  Kidney disease raises blood pressure.
• She is having trouble maintaing her body temperature.  It should be 100*.  It keeps dipping to 98*

 They brought her into us all wrapped in her blanket.  They took all her IV's out.  She was so happy to see us and licked and kissed us over and over.  We were all crying and here she was comforting us still.  But you could see how tired she was.  It broke our hearts.  This is a good picture.  She is hydrated here.  When we took her in yesterday her face was just bones and fur.

She sat up for a little while, but you could see her legs getting tired.  It was better when she was laying down.  By the end her little head was kind of like a bobble-head doll wiggling back and forth.  Josh left work early to get there.   When he walked in the door she mustered her strength and stood up and wagged her tail.  We all started bawling again.

Dr. Seat wants to see what one more day might bring.  There is still a smidge of hope, but it is a small one.  I think the handwriting is on the wall.  Duff refuses to give up hope.  The house just isn't the same without the tinkle of her tags as she trots around.

I have the worst headache and my eyes barely focus from crying so much.  We all went to the cupboard and got some Advil.

Two Wolves Wisdom

TWO WOLVES

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people..

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Darla Update

She didn't have a very good weekend.  She couldn't keep down the meds the vet sent us home with on Friday.  Even when we used the stomach coater first.  Yesterday we spent our Mother's Day mostly worrying about and caring for her.  She was quite pathetic, truly.  We even got baby food for her.  Poached chicken and cut it into the teeniest bites ever.  We felt encouraged that she had kept it all down until 4 this morning when she woke us up vomiting.  Nothing was even digested.

We haven't slept much the past 3 nights.  Duff not at all for the last two.  He sits up with her on our bed and keeps vigil in the dark.  Petting her while she cuddles up to my legs.

I called the vet first thing this morning.  He got right on the phone.  The test results confirmed the kidney diagnosis.  The toxin levels are very high and the good levels are very low.  Every time he gave me a number that it should be and then told me what her stats were, the reality of the situation was layed out.  He asked me how the weekend went.  I told him.  He told me to bring her to him asap. 

This is the plan:  She needs to be on a fluids IV, antibiotic IV, and IV to treat the nausea and toxins.  They are also giving her something to get rid of all the phosphorus and replenish the proteins that she is eliminating instead of retaining.  They are feeding her nutrition orally.  She literally hasn't eaten in about 10-12 days.  She has gone from 10 pounds to 6 pounds in the last 2 months.  The nutrition is called Nutri-cal, and is a gel.  They use about a quarters size and put it gently on the roof of her mouth.  She has to lick it off and swallows it.  It is high calorie and vitamin packed.  They do this about 4-5 times a day.  When the tech called tonight to give us a report he told us she has kept it down all day!  This is good news!  After 48-72 hours, they will do more blood work and if her levels have improved, then we can take her home and treat her here.  She will need to take a pill each day for the renal condition, and we get to help her gain her weight back.  The Dr. says we could have her several more years if this is the direction it goes.  If her levels are the same or worse, then we will have to discuss the 'other' option.   We will probably bring her home and let her enjoy her familiar things for a few days and give us all a chance to say our good-byes.

She has one of her favorite blankets (a penguin fleece of Christine's) and my pajama top with her.  The nurse was glad we had brought them.  She said so many pet parents forget those kinds of things that make a scary stay a little easier.  When the nurse took her from me, Darla gave me a panicked look and put her arms out to me to take her back.  I lost it.  Duff did too, and we bawled the whole way home.

We're such boobs.

I'll keep you posted tomorrow.  They are going to call in the morning and want us to come and visit her a couple of times.  They said it will be good for her.  I like that.  I think vet medicine has come a long way.

Mother's Day

~~Today was a very nice, but low-key day.
~~I'd been up during the night with Darla.  If she could just keep some food down.  She is so hungry.  We make her something, she licks her chops while she smells it cooking, and as soon as we take it to her she sniffs it so eager and then looks up at you and turns her head.  It is the most frustrating feeling.
~~Josh and Meredith came over and made breakfast for me.  Scrumptious belgian waffles with strawberries and whipped cream.  It is their turn this year to spend it with her family, and it meant a lot that they wanted to come and do breakfast for me in the morning.
~~The family made a delicious steak and baked potato dinner with some brocolli.  Mike did his bacon wrapped scallops and shrimp.
~~It was a quiet day.  I went to Sacrament Meeting with the kids while Duff stayed home with the dog, and then I came home so he could go over, but he didn't after all.  We sat and got to talk and visit alone which we don't get to do very often with our full house.  He brought me some pretty flowers yesterday and they look really pretty on the kitchen table.
~~Josh and Mere and Mike and Adrianne gave me the cutest framed saying.  I love this 'subway' art.
~~I am finally almost completely over this bad cold, and it's nice to have some energy back and feel better.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL THE WOMEN IN MY LIFE.  Married, single, mother or not, you have shaped my life in every way and I love you!

Baptism and Eagle Court

Darla Is VERY Sick.

I have spent the whole day yesterday trying to get to the bottom of why.

First of all, I should say she is almost 12 years old.  Her birthday is June 2nd.

My heart sank when I looked up on google that her life expectancy is between 12 and 15 years.  For some reason I have had in the back of my mind that little doggies live much longer.

 She has gradually lost a lot of weight over the last several months.

I've been in denial, I think.

The kids have all said to me, "Mom.  Don't you think Darla is getting skinny?"  I mistakenly thought not being over-weight like so many older dogs become was a good thing and that we were doing something 'right'.

I have noticed that she doesn't scarf down her kibble like she used to and that has been gradual as well.  So I started putting some beef or chicken broth with it and that got her to eat it right away.  Then about a month ago, that wasn't really working either, and I started mixing some Little Champions wet food with her kibble.  That did the trick too until the last ten days.

I took her to the vet yesterday morning.

I had to leave her for blood and urine testing.  For an IV to rehyrdrate her so her kidneys don't have to work so hard over the weekend.  Dr. Seat is pretty sure it is her kidneys.  They are 1/2 the size they should be.  Her heart, lungs,stomach, liver, spleen are all great.  No tumors or anything out of the ordinary in those areas.  Kidney disease makes them have a stomach ache so they won't eat because then they will be sick.  And she has had issues with vomiting lately too.  Kidney disease also makes them have bladder and urinary infections and that makes them prone to accidents as well.  She has been having way too many accidents lately too.  That is out of character for her.

There is a weight chart on the wall of the exam room.  It goes from obese-over weight-normal-underweight-dangerously thin.  She is now considered dangerously thin.  She has lost a lot of muscle mass.  It was very gradual and then the last ten days, drastic.

I picked her up in the afternoon.  She was wiped out.  She had been poked and prodded and had no energy left, except when they brought her out to me she wiggled with all her might and put her legs and paws to reach to me.  Grab my heart!

She has a medicine to coat her stomach to help fight the nausea so she can hopefully feel confident to eat again.  She is very hungry, but will debate with herself whether or not to eat.  You can watch her do it.  She has an antibiotic after a whopping big shot of it at the office.  She still isn't eating very well at all.  She won't touch any dog food, but she will eat some hamburger.  That could be because she is protein deficient.  The kidneys aren't putting the proteins back into her system.  They are being flushed out.

Dr. Norm will have all the test results back on Monday.  Then we will know a better direction to go.  He said if we can get her stabilized and able to gain some weight and muscle back we should have many more good years with her.  She would need to take a med once a day to help the kidneys function at their best.  But if we can't, then.........well, we would need to consider putting her down.

How Do You Avoid Glare When You Take A Picture?

QUESTION:   How do you take a good picture without getting glare?  I've been trying to take pictures of things that are framed with glass on them, and can't figure out how to do that without either seeing myself in the picture or having to use such a weird angle that I don't really capture the look I want.

I'm hoping for some good tips/pointers from you photographers out there!