Where Did The Day Go?

I keep asking myself that question. What did I get done? Not much that can be 'seen' or crossed off on a list. I had a list to cross off and it just didn't happen. BUT...

I did spend most of the day talking. On the phone and in person. And I was tired by the end of it all, but it spawned a great evening/night of thinking. Trying to figure out LIFE and it's complexities and simplicities and Heaven's role in it all.

I've always been a FAIR person. Logical, methodical. 2 + 2 = 4, every time. (I loved math growing up; it's always predictable, has formulas, follows rules with predictable outcomes.) Life is not this way and I often kick against that.

My little cousin, Wendy is dieing. A horrible, excrutiating death from breast cancer. She is just going from one 24 hour period to another. It should be any time now. It's been 10 years. I'm going to see her and my Aunt and Uncle and Sheri (a sister) Wednesday. I talked with them tonight. Over 2 hours. She has other hard things going on in her life. I wish she could just go with peace, but there are other things on her mind. I figure, even in death we somehow pull ourselves up by the bootsraps and get through it.

Heather is not well. The cancer has grown. In March they told us she would have until the end of the year. Well, it's August. Quite a bit closer to the end of the year. And I don't think anyone has dared to count. Hope comes naturally I've concluded. It is the salve that helps us cope and make it to the next mountain.

Mike is doing well in school, but is discouraged on the employment front. There will not be a 'new company' for him to work at. Lots of VC's looking for a place for their start up money, but no institutions will lend for day to day operations. Not in this economy right now. So he is off looking for something, anything to help Adrianne keep them afloat. She is working so hard and carrying all the financial burden right now.

That being said, Duff is out looking for work as well. It will be a big change for him/us to work for someone else after almost 20 years of working for yourself.

The country seems to be going to he@# in a handbasket. Scary times. I do find a bit of comfort though in 'seeing' that these are latter-day prophecies being fulfilled right before our very eyes. And feeling a little excited, if I could even use that word, at being a part of those times. We've heard for a lifetime now that these are the winding up times so shouldn't we be excited? Yes, albeit with some butterflies in my tummy!

I have friends losing their homes. Good people. None of whom live extravagantly, just victims of the current time. One dear friend told me about it at church, quietly. She needed to finally tell someone. When she said the words, I just felt like I'd been kicked in the stomach. How can this be? Where will they go? Selfishly, I need her to be there. A stalwart. Someone that inspires me even without saying a word or having a conversation. Just knowing she's there.

Shaun is getting ready to go back to school. He has had a good summer. Taken and finished 5 classes with A's. But he is leaving and the mom in me worries. This illness, spawned by the devil himself, is stable, but can rear it's ugly head when you least expect it. It keeps me up at night with parental worry. So I've been trying to figure out how God does it. How does He parent specifically? I hate the process of stretching/enlarging faith. I like it when it's done for a while, but not the process. I guess no one does, even though it's essential.

My parents are getting older. They are not handling the Arizona heat very well this summer. My dad has not been feeling well, so my mom is taking him to the doctor on Wednesday. Her fybromyalgia is acting up.

So now I'm off to say my prayers and go to bed. I have a lot to talk about with Heavenly Father. I'll feel better in the morning.